Who is Joshua Kane? Wisconsin prepares for Poe.

Local security is on heightened alert – the demons of darkness are coming to the Young Auditorium, in the person of Joshua Kane and his show Edgar Allan Poe’s Tales of Terror.

Kane, who bills himself as a “New York actor,” is a mysterious figure with a murky past, and of dubious origins. Said one undisclosed source, “How many people do you know whose passport smells of brimstone and sulfur?” His demise has been reported more times than that of the Democratic Party, giving rise to rumors that he has risen from the dead.

This intrepid reporter has learned that Kane (a.k.a. “the mad Uncle”) has left a trail of horror and havoc across these United States. Reports include murders of annoying neighbors, the burning alive of politicians (can you imagine!), and — I hesitate to tell you, but he has been seen consorting with a large black bird.

It has also been reported that in his technical rider to the theater, Kane requested not a hotel room, but access to a mausoleum, preferably near several freshly dug graves. The mirrors have been removed from his dressing room.

In the guise of entertainment, Kane has traveled across the country menacing innocent citizens with what he purports are tales of old-fashioned family values – if your values happen to be revenge, madness and despair. And Young Auditorium Director Ken Kohberger has the gall to present this lunatic on Wednesday April 6, 2011 – shouldn’t we run him out of town?

This reporter wants to know why such a menace has gone unchecked. Who will protect us from being murdered in our beds? And hasn’t anyone thought of the children?!! Where is the outrage? Reached at an “undisclosed location,” Vice President Joe Biden had no comment. There was also no comment from Attorney General Michael Mukasey and from Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff as to why the Patriot Act does not protect us from such performances. (Why can’t we have a nice Lawrence Welk concert? Oh, that’s right – he’s
dead . . . Was Kane responsible for that too?)

The only way to save our community is for all citizens to converge on Young Auditorium, fill the theater and keep a close eye on this strange being. “Seats for the show are moving fast,” says Kohberger. “Which is odd, since they’re bolted to the floor?”

Be warned, Kane may try and entertain you. He may trick you into laughing and entice you into a thrilling evening of theatre. Oh, the horror! It’s possible you may even think you are having a phenomenal time — and you know what that means.
Lodge your protest by buying a ticket for this madness on Wednesday, April 6, 2011 at 7:30 pm call 262-472-2222 or purchase on-line at www.uww.edu/youngauditorium